It’s back to school time again.
We’ve survived the back to school shopping, which amounted to me holding up several items and saying for each one, "This? Do you like this one? Would you wear that? Well, how about this?" and after a brief try-on session in the dressing rooms, school clothes were purchased.
Hooray!
We’ve also survived the first day of school both for a kindergarten-aged student and an upper-elementary kid who had to change schools.
Not only have we changed schools, but we’ve changed home, neighborhood, and town. Regular readers know we relocated further south in the state of Michigan, and now have the added bonus of family nearby as well as shopping, and of course, employment.
For some kids, moving is not always an easy thing. They don’t always buy into that "new adventure! Meet new people!" thing that parents might try to foist upon them in an effort to stave off the blues of leaving behind everything that’s familiar.
Obvious aids for parents, when you’re completely relocating, include getting the kids involved in the move if possible. Have the kids help pack their belongings, or select their room in the new house and, with some direction, decide on how to decorate and arrange their new rooms. Explore the new neighborhood ahead of time either on foot or in your car.
A major adjustment for any child, though, is getting started at a new school.
If you’re changing schools either in your old town or a new one, it helps to take your child to the building before the new school year starts. Take advantage of orientations that the school will sponsor. As the school year draws closer, staff members will be in the classrooms preparing for students. Check in at the school office and see if you can take an informal tour of the building, and if possible, meet your child’s new teacher. This gives your child a chance to meet the teacher and see the inside of his school before the herds enter, making one-on-one conversation next to impossible.
Many teachers will match your child with a buddy for the first few weeks, so your child will have a trustworthy guide to his new school, the cafeteria, the playground, school rules, and so forth. Other teachers will be sure to include your child in "welcome" messages that are displayed in the classroom. Your child might find himself seated with a group of kids who are also new. Sometimes its nice to know you're not the only new kid.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration website (http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/Ca-0046/default.asp, available online September 11, 2007) recommends the above tips and more, in their article "Your Child’s Mental Health: Moving: Easing the Transition."
One important tip is to "Be patient with children and empathize with their feelings. In some cases, children may not like their new schools, neighborhoods, or living arrangements despite their parents' best efforts. If this happens, parents should not become frustrated or angry. Instead, they should talk openly with children about their anxieties and reassure them that their feelings are normal. It will take some time to adjust to new surroundings."
Kids cannot be cloned. Your child’s friends back home cannot be duplicated here in the new school, so don’t even try to compare them. There might hundreds of kids on the playground, but your child is likely to be lonely for the friends he had back home, and hungry for the sight of a familiar face.
This site also recommends getting children involved in the new community. This could include joining activities in your new church, or perhaps getting involved in a sporting or academic activity, camp, or another type of club.
Parents are also warned on the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration site to "Look for warning signs of children not adjusting well." Signs can be as obvious as a change in behavior (tantrums, crying spells, depression) to things that might be easily attributed to some other cause, such as "new grade, tougher work." If grades are slipping drastically, and/or your student is having trouble with appropriate behavior, you should evaluate whether your child needs some professional help in making the adjustment to a new school or location.
Poor adjustment and stress can also show up in your child’s sleep patterns. Is your child wakeful when normally he sleeps through the night? Does your child sleepwalk or have night terrors, bad dreams?
If you’re fortunate, the transition will get easier day by day. If it doesn’t, then do contact your child’s school and see if there are resources available to help. Also consider contacting your family physician for advice.
For the most part, kids can be very resilient. Moving to a new town or a new school can be a great adventure, but still cause your kids lots of stress. And while relocating can be stressful for adults as well, it’s important to make yourself available to your kids and try to ease their worries.
