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Say, hey! Mikey, who has been such a love and kept y'all abreast of the life and times in God's Waiting Room, is on sabbatical. There has been a lot of traffic in and out of the house recently. Mikey loves visitors; he gets to show off his ever-increasing social skills, garnering even more attention than usual. Well, while being a generally social animal myself, this current parade has had the opposite effect on me. Mikey says "cool," I say, "crap." Now don't get me wrong, I love people and will do most anything to help someone. Therein, lies the problem. "I'm just a girl who cain't say no." And, "I'm in a turrible fix." I should probably take a lesson or two from Mikey. He roots himself in front of a visitor, using his very best and alert posture and giving one a glare that conveys, "adore me, but absolutely don't ask me for another outrageous 'favor' -- and don't mess with me." Most people back off from this stance. I just say, "(sigh) ok (sigh)."
Before I continue with this addendum to life's scenarios, perhaps I should clarify my daily routine status. While currently not full-time, regimentally employed in the outside sector, I have an ongoing dearth of projects and can't understand why others think I have "nothing to do," just because I'm not "working" in the traditional sense . . . hello, flowers on the wall . . . some considerations about which I have mused include "could they possibly think: a) that I might want some time to look for stable, long-term employment and need some time to do so (nyaah); b) that because I have worked non-stop for 40 years that I might have some catch-up to do on personal projects (nyaah); c) that I have a 'life' and 'personal projects' of interest (never)." The answer is always, Noooooooo. But somehow, that n-o word just doesn't fit into my lexicon. That I'm the one who should be calling the shots here because they are all coming to me for my expertise seems not to exist. Repeat refrain: "I'm just a girl who..."
So here's what seems to be going on. On a typical day recently, one friend (an elected official) zipped in and out a couple times a day, often without advance notice, and often before the morning alarm or after lights out. Or any other random times, always with the most appreciative, yet inherently demanding demeanor, asking for everything to be accomplished "yesterday." This is creative paperwork stuff to handle as the moment dictates. For example, create/add a logo, make up a new slogan, devise a new form, write a Letter To The Editor, prepare a petition, type letter(s) with appropriate protocols for sending to the Governor, local officials, Senators, etc. Creativity, writing, editing, crossing all the T's and dotting all the I's, checking syntax, and formatting it for aesthetics seems to be a recognized talent (Eureka!). While it's a God given talent and I am pleased to accept it, accepting outrageous assignments with no regard to my own inclinations doesn't cut the mustard. But, while graciously accepting the mission that I have chosen to accept, and air kissing on the visitor's way in and out, when the door is closed, I am prone to stomping to my office, spewing expletives-deleted. Of course, I never miss a declared deadline. But why can't I say "no."
And then there's the part-time position I hold as a lab technician for geotechnical engineering. This seemed pretty cool when they moved the required lab equipment to the house. Now, it's just travel to the garage or into the kitchen. Not so fast, grasshopper. Guess it wasn't clear that it was not my intention to work nights and/or weekends any more. When the King Rat (lab boss) dropped off some test samples on Friday afternoon (actually, he sorta sneaked them into the garage), when he was delivering some technical reports that needed to be caught up, and then casually mentioned the test samples, it was just accepted it, albeit with another weary sigh. Most of the lab tests have "critical timing," so I started right away, with MORE expletives-deleted.
Why is this!?! Why do I allow people to take advantage? Why is there resignation to putting others' considerations and demands first? Our other roommate says I am a "co-dependent" who goes through life putting everyone else's needs and happiness before her own. Hey, that redneck boy might be on to something. Even Oprah had an article recently that called this kind of behavior the "how can I please you" disease. Oprah suggested "thinking like a man" (say, what!) to overcome this angst-producing agreement to whatever it takes to make others comfortable.
There is a lot of (allowed) stress in the household these days. Also, there is a popular song out now (that we listen to everytime, at max volume, when it comes on the radio) that is really a song from "days goneby," but may be "my song" now. The song, regardless of the underlying premise, is about someone who has become a recluse and tries to keep up a social persona of a swinger who is just so busy, when in fact they have resigned themselves (to quote; oh, copyright laws forgive me) to "counting flowers on the wall, that don't bother me at all; playing solitaire till dawn, with a deck of fifty-one; smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo; now don't tell meeee I've got nothin' to doooo" . . . (although Capt 'roo is not all that much fun since giving up smoking) . . .
Bottomline: why don't people have any respect for those with "something" to do of their own choice !?! why does my "something" have to be your evaluation of "something" -- perhaps someone here abouts has to get a real life, which probably starts with a "real" job (but haven't I already been there-done that?). Nevertheless, having gotten a haircut (6" off my hair recently) should be a start to a real [recognized] job J
. . . oh well, as Mikey would say, it's always something. TTFN.
© Copyright 2000-2006 Spanitz
Consulting, Inc.
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