Management Insights
Transmuting Anger
By Eric A. Spanitz
Aug 11, 2003, 16:13

How many times have you expressed extreme negative emotion (aka "anger") about a boss, co-worker, client, or potential client? Was expressing that anger a bad thing? In summary, no. The trick is to use that anger to change the situation, not continue to rant about it.

Most emotions have some biological reason for being. Fear prompts you to fight or take flight - in other words, to save yourself. Love theoretically encourages humans to interact in a mutually beneficial way. Jealousy, well, I could venture a guess that this emotion could be seen to protect the efforts that came about from the Love emotion. Now what about anger?

According to Webster Online ( http://www.webster.com/ ) "anger" comes from the Latin word "angere" which means "to strangle." Think back to your most recent work-related anger... you were more accurate with your emotion than you might have realized. Anger - especially in the work environment - is usually seen as a negative emotion. Some even consider it a destructive emotion. Here I aim to present anger as a beneficial catalyst for changing a situation, and in fact, a constructive emotion.

There are five steps needed to transmute anger into positive change:

1. WHAT -- Identify what it is you are angry about. Is it an individual? Is it their attitude? Is it their actions? This step can be more difficult that it sounds. Sometimes people think they are angry with a particular individual when in fact they are actually angry about a different situation. What can help you distinguish the target of your anger? The next step will help you...

2. WHY -- Clarify what it is that makes you angry about the target. Is it something that happened or did not happen? Could it possibly be your own view or attitude that is causing this anger? Is there a rational reason for this anger, or are you just blowing off steam? How can you help determine whether or not the reason is rational? The next step will help you...

3. HOW -- How would the situation need to be different, so that you would not be angry? This is a mini "gap analysis" to compare the current state with your ideal state. Be specific as possible, because this leads to the next step...

4. NOW -- What actions do you need to take to achieve the ideal state in the previous step? This is the step most angry people never make it to. This step moves you from ranting to positive action. This is the activity or series of activities that change this situation into something that will sustain a state of non-anger.

5. CHECK -- Review your desired course of action and decide if the actions are beneficial in the long-run. This is important. Make sure your course of action considers both the immediate and long-term effects of your intended change. Consider how another person, other than yourself, would handle your situation. Would a trusted and respected friend concur with your decision? This is the "sanity check."

Let's run through an example. I just got off the phone will my good friend, Norma. One of her favorite expressions (and a too-frequent lead-in to telephone conversations) is "And I didn't kill him..." She then launched into telling me about her recent visit to the cell-phone store, to get her cell-phone fixed. The gentleman who owns and operates the store made her angry. During the phone conversation with Norma, I used the five steps for this situation:

1. WHAT -- Norma said she was furious with the owner of the cell-phone store (furious = really, really, angry). I asked Norma if it was him personally that she was angry with, or the situation, or his attitude. Norma said it was him personally, because he treated her like she was an idiot. So it sounded like she was angry with his behavior and attitude.

2. WHY -- Because this is Norma's sixth cell-phone (don't ask), she no longer gets a free or discounted cell-phone with her package of minutes. Less than a month ago, Norma spent over $200 on a cell-phone that other people get for free when they first sign up with a carrier. Added to this embarrassment/insult, the store owner now was questioning whether or not this "little lady" (Norma is not little, and I'm not touching the lady comment) had the smarts to operate a cell-phone. Insult of having to buy the phone + insult of saying she was too stupid to operate it = angry Norma.

3. HOW -- (this next step took place several minutes later in the phone call, after Norma was very vocal to me about how the guy thought she was stupid and she wanted to kill him) So after Norma calmed down a little, I asked how things needed to be, in order for her not to be angry - now, or in the future when interacting with this guy. Norma got very quiet. She didn't say anything for several minutes, and then finally said that the guy would have to apologize to her, swap the phone for a new one, and not treat her like an idiot.

4. NOW -- I asked Norma if there was anything she could do to "encourage" the guy to do what she determined in the HOW step. What actions could she take to change the situation. Mentioning this to Norma brought a flurry of "I'm going to kill him!" in my ear. Trusting the steps, I moved to the next step...

5. CHECK -- I asked Norma if killing or even injuring the guy would really fix the situation, or just land her in jail. She conceded the point. I also asked her if that would be how I would respond to the situation (e.g. the trusted friend perspective) and she agreed that it would not be. So we went back to Step 4....

4. NOW -- So we revisited the action step and Norma concluded that she didn't think this situation was workable. I pointed out that she had the phone for less than a month, and could return the phone for a refund and cancel her contract. Norma seemed hesitant to take such drastic measures, so I asked her if she would be able to tolerate the owner whenever she had to take the phone in for future service, or to buy accessories for it. She agreed that she would most likely continue to be angry about the whole situation, so agreed that returning the phone would be the most satisfactory action.

5. CHECK -- I asked if Norma thought I'd probably do the same and she said yes. Just for a more un-biased perspective (because the returning action was my idea anyway), I asked if her brother would do the same, and she agreed that he would, also. She also liked how returning the phone and going to a different store would be a good long-term solution, and in many ways, give her a respectable fresh start.

In a work situation, things are probably not as simple, however the five steps still work well:

WHAT
WHY
HOW
NOW
CHECK

One last comment about transmuting anger: action is far more satisfying than lack of action. In other words, telling yourself that you will ignore the person, or situation, or whatever will most likely not work in the long term. Recent studies have shown that it actually takes more effort and concentration to ignore a situation than address it (think about trying to ignore an obnoxious fellow passenger on an airplane). Avoidance does not fix a problem.